Do you recognise the signs of an unhealthy relationship?
You’re worried about a friends relationship. Friends often see the signs first. Even when the person in trouble doesn’t.



How to take this quiz: We don’t want to store any information about you, so get some note taking tools handy. This could be pen and paper or digital note taking tools. Note down a score for each question below. The more points you get, the more worrying and extreme the behaviour you have seen could be. Keep in mind that what might be healthy for one couple, could be completely unhealthy for another.  

When you are ready, begin by answering the following questions:::
Have you ever witnessed them force your friend to do something, change something or say something they usually wouldn’t?
(eg. things like forcing them to order a certain dish in a restaurant, change their outfit, perform a sexual act they might not be comfortable with.)

0 - No, they never try to influence them.
1 - They help them expand upon themselves and develop.
2 - They usually give advice on what they’d do.
3 - They often get told what to do or how to act.
4 - They usually do what they are told to do. It is easier than arguing or trying to disagree even if it upsets them.
Do they rely on their partner to get through the day? Or some part of it?
0 - No, they’re completely independent.
1 - They check in a couple times a day.
2 - They like them being there most of the time.
3 - Sometimes they need them to function.
4 - They need them to be there to function all the time.

Does their partner ever be dishonest with them?
0 - No, never.
1 - To protect them.
2 - I get the feeling they might.
3 - Yes they have sometimes.
4 - They regularly lie and bend the truth.
Has their partner ever used their emotions against them?
0 - No, never.
1 - They’ve said stuff in the past, but have moved on.
2 - Their partner sometimes get upset or mad if they are feeling a certain way.
3 - They act like they have to hide their emotions to avoid upsetting their partner.
4 - Yes, any emotion is turned into a weapon.
Do they get blamed or made to feel at fault for events or occurrences in their partner’s life?
0 - No, never.
1 - They hint at it.
2 - Sometimes they won’t accept that they or others might be at fault.
3 - They can get blamed for some things.
4 - Anything that goes wrong is always their fault.

Does their partner ever create a hostile and uncomfortable environment?
0 - No, they’re always pleasant to be around.
1 - Maybe a little in extreme events.
2 - They can if they get a little mad.
3 - Only when they’re alone with them.
4 - They can turn anything into an uncomfortable environment, especially with friends.

Does their partner ever try to intimidate them or make them feel small?
0 - Never.
1 - Maybe once or twice.
2 - They have done this in the past.
3 - They can do this.
4 - Very regularly they act this way.

  
Have they ever stopped them from seeing you or another friend?
(This doesn’t include pre-existing conflicting plans eg. they have a date planned and you want to go to a party.)
0 - No. They’re always down to hang out.
1 - Not really. Maybe once or twice, but they’re just lovebirds.
2 - Sometimes, if they have a reason.
3 - A couple of times. They’ve cancelled on me before.
4 - It can be expected, it usually happens. If we do hang out then they’re both there.

Does their partner try to alter or change their opinion or behaviour if they disagree with it?
0 - Never, they respect that they’re their own person.
1 - They are vocal about their opinion.
2 - Sometimes can try in more extreme situations.
3 - They get mad if they disagree.
4 - Yes they regularly do.

Does their partner ever use physical violence in any way?
0 - Never.
1 - They can get angry but never violent.
2 - Sometimes they can get a little more physical.
3 - In certain situations they can get violent (eg. if they get drunk)
4 - Yes.

When you have completed the quiz, note the scores you have put down.
Do you see any signs that you might want support with?

If you mark down a 4  for any question this could be a SIGN

These questions are designed to be helpful and informative. If you feel concerned you can reach out to our range of support services:

Falmouth University Students: https://falmouth.myday.cloud/pages/student-support/mentalhealth
Exeter University Students: https://fxplus.ac.uk/student-support/support-wellbeing

Rape or Sexual Assault.
We know it can be difficult to report rape or sexual assault. You may be experiencing a mixture of emotions and feel unsure about what to do next. We understand that there are lots of reasons people choose not to report, and it's always your choice. You can find out more about what to do if you experience sexual assault or violence here.



Do Not Ignore the Signs © 2023 by Safer Cornwall in partnership with Falmouth University (Theo Nicholas Gaimster) is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0.